


Destroy Me, Ruin Me, Love Me

by etherrealowl



Series: Love Me Series [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Akaashi Keiji is a Good Friend, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Bokuto Koutarou & Kuroo Tetsurou are Bros, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Light Angst, M/M, Oblivious Iwaizumi Hajime, Oikawa Tooru is a Good Friend, Pretty Setter Squad, confused feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-15 10:54:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29188122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/etherrealowl/pseuds/etherrealowl
Summary: SOCIALS: https://etherrealowl.tumblr.com/Following the cannon I built in my previous fic (https://archiveofourown.org/works/29066763). Basically will show how Oikawa/Iwaizumi, Sugawara/Sawamura, and Akaashi/Bokuto got together, then show them all together at university together in Tokyo and all living together in the same house. If you want to see the Kuroo/Kenma, see the previous fic.It starts out with Suga, Daichi, Oikawa, Iwaizumi, Bokuto, and Kuroo living together while Kenma and Akaashi finish high school.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji & Bokuto Koutarou & Kozume Kenma & Kuroo Tetsurou, Akaashi Keiji & Kozume Kenma & Oikawa Tooru & Sugawara Koushi, Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Iwaizumi Hajime & Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi
Series: Love Me Series [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2151585
Comments: 19
Kudos: 11





	1. Iwaizumi Hajime Is Oblivious

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set in the same universe as my other Haikyuu fic.

~~Aoba Johsai High School, 3rd Year~~

OIKAWA POV 

“Iwa-cha~~~~~~~n,” I call out, plastering a bright smile on my face, practically skipping as I rush to my best friend, throwing my arms around his shoulders from behind. I can tell from the tilt of his lips that he’s scowling at me, whether for being “gaudy” or “shitty” or “excessive”, only he really knows. I gave up trying to keep up with the reasons he has for scowling at me. The only one I care about is the fact that he is just as in love with me as I am with him, he just doesn't know it. Yet.

“U-Um,” The pretty little brunette standing in front of Iwa-chan stutters out, a frown tilting her lips down in confusion. “Is now a bad time, Iwaizumi-san?” 

“And who might you be?” I purr out, fitting myself into Iwa-chan’s back, sliding my arms from his shoulders to his hips, pressing my hips lightly into his toned ass, my chin resting on his shoulders. Her face flushes lightly, her eyes flicking between us, before settling on the ground. A smart choice, I decide. She seems a little too timid to hold my stare for long.

“M-Morita Akari.” She forces out, her shoulders shaking slightly in a nervous tick, and I don’t even bother to fight the predatory smile tilting my lips.

“And what might you need from my Iwa-chan, Morita-san?” I make sure to hold her eyes when she looks back up at me, manners winning out over her obvious discomfort.

“Y-Yours?” She stutters out, and I smile widely, not correcting her implication. I can feel Iwa-chan stiffen in front of me as I press myself even closer to him, wrapping my fingers around his hips and digging them in just slightly.

“Yes, mine. Is that a problem, Morita-san?”

“Ah, no. Excuse me, Iwaizumi-san.” She forces out, her face blazing, tears pricking in the corner of her eyes as she spins and dashes away from us. I can’t help but smile so hard I squint my eyes. I always enjoy chasing away any potential loves that try to take my Iwa-chan from me.

I take another moment to just relish being so close to Iwa-chan before he pulls away from me, spinning around to level a glare at me. I let my fingers trail across his waist as he turns, but with the level of his glare on me, I sigh and drop my hands to my side.

“What was that about, Shittykawa?” He growls, and I can’t help but fantasize about his voice growling out something different. “Were you just trying to upset her for fun?”

I roll my eyes at Iwa-chan. Always so clueless of people’s motivations.

“Of course not, Iwa-chan. Just making sure she knew her place!” I chirp out, turning from him to walk to the club room to get changed for practice. I’m already tired of the school uniform, tired of standing around doing nothing. I have all this energy boiling in my veins, all of these thoughts swimming in my head. I need to move, to play, to destroy something before I turn all of this energy on Iwa-chan. He’s not ready for all of that just yet.

“And where is her place?” Iwa-chan growls out, following a few steps behind me. I smile at the door as I toss it open, holding it just long enough to not close on Iwa-chan.

“Not at your side.” I respond back easily.

“And who decided that you knew best, Oikawa?! You’ve chased away every girl who even _looks_ like they’re going to try and confess to me since we were kids!” He shouts, ripping his shirt over his head in a huff, replacing it with his practice shirt. I do my best to avoid staring at his chest rising and falling in rapid breaths, resist thinking of other situations I could get into with Iwa-chan breathing heavy and shirtless.

“I’ve chased off a few boys, too, Iwa-chan. None of them are right for you.” I’m tying my shoes at this point, a bright smile on my lips, walking past Iwa-chan with a tap on his head. I love that he’s just a few centimeters shorter than me.

“Then who is, Oikawa?” He growls out, standing up to follow me out, and I can feel the eyes of most of the team on us. I preen under the attention as I pause for a moment deciding just what to say.

“You going to tell him, Captain?” Kunimi laughs out, and I smile over at him, considering it.

“You think he’s ready to hear it, boys?” I call out, blocking the way out of the club room easily, Iwa-chan stopping just in front of me. I can nearly feel his breath on my face, and it distracts me for the whole five seconds it takes for the team to consider before they yell out, “YES!”.

“Well, who am I to disappoint our team, Iwa-chan?” I smile, forcing the confidence, knowing that what I’m about to say could absolutely wreck our friendship and dynamics. But I also know that Iwa-chan loves me just as much as I love him, even if he isn’t fully aware of it. I take a breath, look Iwa-chan dead in the eye, and lower my voice. “You really want to know, Hajime?”

Iwa-chan jolts, shocked at the casual use of his first name, and frowns at me in response.

“Just spit it out, Trashykawa. We have practice.”

I shrug at him, looking at the others, as if to say ‘you asked for it’, before grabbing his face in my hands and pressing my lips hard against his.

“I’m the only one that’s right for you, Hajime. It’s only ever been me, and it’s only ever going to be me. But take your time. We do have practice, after all.” I smile, hiding just how affected I am from just the quick kiss. His lips felt like magic against my own, and I know now more than ever how much chemistry we have.

I leave Iwa-chan standing dumbfounded in the doorway to the clubroom, the rest of the team not sure what to do, and go to the gym to practice some serves.

~~

IWAIZUMI POV

“I’m the only one that’s right for you, Hajime. It’s only ever been me, and it’s only ever going to be me. But take your time. We do have practice, after all.” Tooru smiles at me with his normal pageant smile, as if he didn’t just rock everything I have ever known to its core. He disappears from the club room quickly, but I can’t seem to make myself move after him. I’m stunned, still feeling the ghost of sensation of Oikawa Tooru’s lips against my own.

“You alright, Iwaizumi?” Kindaichi asks, stepping up behind me, a light hand on the middle of my back as he leans towards me. The contact is so different from Oikawa’s touch that I jerk away on instinct. Kindaichi frowns at me, but lowers his hand, his brow furrowed.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” I force out, my voice even, but my heart beating faster than I would like to admit.

“Because you have the emotional abilities of a toddler and tend to see things in black and white” Kunimi replies, walking past the both of us, waiting just outside of the clubroom with a raised brow. “Either way, you’ve got time to figure out that you’ve been in love with our Captain since you were kids. What we do not have is unlimited time to practice, so can we go?”

I shove past Kunimi and walk to the gym with a scowl. I know I’m not the best with emotions, but to be compared to a toddler? Just because I enjoy things to be clear cut? It’s not my fault. Oikawa has always been so emotional, living in the shades of gray. Someone has to pay attention to hard, clean lines.

“I haven’t been in love with Shittykawa since we were children.” I growl out, walking into the gym in a huff.

“So Oikawa-san finally told you that you love him, huh?” Yahaba laughs, still doing his best to dig all of the serves Oikawa is currently smashing across the net to him. I frown, deciding not to answer, instead walking over to grab a ball to start spiking it against the wall. I need to get some aggression out before I decide what I want to do.

“What I did or did not say to Iwa-chan, and what Iwa-chan did or did not reply back is irrelevant to practice.” Oikawa calls out, a frown on his face, and he lowers his hands with the ball still trapped between them. “Focus on practice. Leave Iwa-chan alone.”

His tone brokers no argument, and all of the stares and sly conversations around the gym cease. I throw a grateful smile towards Oikawa, and he just nods at me in return, not smiling back. I ignore how much it irritates me that he doesn’t smile back. I hate how serious he looks. I hate how much I just want to go and hug him and ask him if he’s okay.

Fuck. Do I actually ~~love~~ like Oikawa?

Practice goes by in a blur of spikes and sets and shouting and footwork. I force myself to focus on what I’m doing, but I find that as hard as I try, my mind keeps circling back to Oikawa’s lips on mine, to his flirtatious way of acting, to the way he presses himself up against me whenever someone even _thinks_ of making eyes at me. The way he drapes himself across my back like a human blanket when he’s tired, using me to hold himself up. I’m thankful that it’s nearly the end of our third year of school, that my body is so attuned to playing that I am mostly operating on auto-pilot. I frown at the thought, but there’s nothing else I can really do about it. If Oikawa thought I could focus on practice after kissing me, well, he was dead wrong.

When I catch his eyes on a water break, I can tell from the satisfied smirk he gives me that he knows I’m not focused at all. I don’t know how to respond, so I scowl instead, and his smirk widens into a real smile. It was as if that was exactly what he wanted me to do, because he nearly skips away after our water break, calling us all back to play a few three on three matches.

By the time we are all in the locker room after practice, showering and changing back into street clothes, I still haven’t gotten a moment alone with my thoughts. Or a moment alone with Oikawa. It’s Friday, which means usually we would be going to my house after practice together to study and he would stay over. Then we would go to Saturday practice together, getting lunch together after that, then go to his house for the night. We’ve done this nearly every weekend since we were kids. We stay at each other's houses so often, even during the week, that we even have school uniforms at each other’s houses.

Does he still want that? Do I?

I think about it for a moment, before nodding to myself. I don’t want things to change. I want to keep our weekends together at the very least.

“Iwa-chan? You okay?” Oikawa asks, leaning next to my locker, his eyes uncharacteristically guarded. I frown at him, wanting to ask why his eyes are so guarded, but I already know the answer. He doesn’t want to push me. I still never responded to him after he kissed me and left.

“Yeah. Let’s go, Shittykawa.” I grind out, slamming my locker shut and leaving the club room. I pause long enough for Oikawa to lock up the club room after us, walk slow enough that he can still smile and wave at the last straggling members of the team as they leave the school grounds. 

I don’t talk, and neither does Oikawa. He keeps his pageant smile on his face whenever I turn to look at him, and I find I want to smack it off of his face. That smile isn’t honest. That smile is a weapon, something he uses to protect himself and break others down at the same time. It’s a smile that he uses for everyone but me.

“Iwa-chan, do you still want to have our sleepover? It’s okay if you don’t.” He chirps out, not even bothering to look over at me, his eyes on the walk in front of us.

“Of course I still want to have our sleep over. Why wouldn’t I?” I sigh, resigning myself to just not look at Oikawa the whole walk back to my house. I know my parents aren’t home this weekend, but don’t tell Oikawa this. It was supposed to be a surprise that we got the whole house to ourselves this weekend. We could stay up as late as we wanted watching game videos from other teams and make up new strategies without bothering my parents. But now, I don’t know how to bring it up, with the newfound knowledge that Oikawa is in love with me.

_~~That I’m just as hopelessly in love with Oikawa Tooru as everyone else.~~ _

“I don’t know, Iwa-chan. Why wouldn’t you, indeed.” Oikawa remarks slyly, and I can practically hear his eyes rolling. I ball my fists to prevent myself from grabbing him by the collar and shaking him.

“Stop dancing around it, Shittykawa. Spit it out.” I growl, frowning at the ground. We’re nearly to my house, and Oikawa is still just the same as ever.

He ignores me, keeping his normal pace, his face carefully constructed. I want to smash that face to pieces. That carefully constructed mask does not belong on his face when he is with me. I’m supposed to be safe. Secure. Where he can let go of the persona, the mask, the pageant smile and the shitty “Great King” persona. Where he can just be my Oikawa Tooru that used to scrape his knees on the same stone steps as me. Who likes to wear too big sweats and watch alien documentaries on the weekend. Who half the time ends up sleeping in the bed next to me “because it’s more comfortable than the futon, Iwa-chan”. I gave up trying to sleep separately when we were ten.

I unlock the door, kicking off my shoes and walking straight to my bedroom, not bothering to wait for Oikawa. I don’t bother keeping up any pretense that anyone is home either, not calling out “I’m home”. If Oikawa thinks it’s weird, he doesn’t say anything. Instead, I can hear him take off his shoes just as normal, following me back to my room. He drops his bag in the same place as always, flopping onto my bed, looking up at the ceiling as if he can see right through it.

“Where’s your mom, Iwa-chan?”

“She’s gone for the weekend, Tooru.” I whisper, feeling shy for a moment, sitting down on the bed beside his hip. “She said she had a business trip planned, and that she would leave groceries and money for us for the weekend. She didn’t want me to be at home alone, so she told me to make sure you stayed with me.”

“Oh.”

Nothing could prepare me for that little sigh as Oikawa turns towards me, his back and head still firmly on the bed, but his eyes staring into mine.

“So, are you going to tell me why you’re acting like this, or should I just wait you out?” I sigh, flopping down onto the bed next to him, our noses inches apart. We’ve laid like this countless times over the years, eyes on each other, just talking for hours. Why did I never realize that I ~~loved~~ liked him?

“I told you how I felt, Iwa-chan. And you haven’t said anything back.”

“Well, I don’t know what you want me to tell you.”

“How about if you feel the same?”

“Well, how exactly do you feel, Tooru? Is this real? Is it just a passing fancy? Are you going to stay by my side for a few years then run off with someone else because they’re prettier or funnier or aren’t as mean to you?”

I don’t mean to sound so insecure, but I can’t help it. I think the reason I never let myself see how I felt for Oikawa was because I was so scared he would do just that. I would pour my heart out, let it all go, and he would leave me for someone kinder. Someone smarter than me. Someone who would treat him like the king he is, instead of breaking him back down to my level. This must show on my face, because he’s frowning back at me, irritation flashing in his eyes with something else I don’t want to name.

“I love you, Hajime. I’ve loved you for years. Is that serious enough for you?”

“I-”

“I love you, Hajime. I love _you_. I know your love language, Hajime. I’m not going to leave you because you call me rude nicknames or scowl at me when I’m being any number of things, or because you aren’t the nicest person in the world. I love you for you, not some imagined person I think you should be. I’ve known you for years. I’ve watched you grow up by my side, watched you take care of everyone, watched you take care of me. You let me lay on you when I’m tired, you let me sleep next to you in your bed even though I know it can’t always be comfortable. You let me watch alien documentaries even though I know you hate them. You bring me milk bread in the mornings because you know it’s my favorite, and you always make sure I get enough sleep at night. You treat me like a person, Hajime, not an object to possess. Others may think you are rude and angry, but I know that just means you care. This isn’t something that I just thought of one day and ran with, Hajime. This is years in the making. This isn’t going to just go away. I’m not just going to go and leave you behind.” He laughs, a small smile on his lips, pressing his nose into mine. “I even made sure we are in the same university. We’re going together, and I’ve already started looking for a house to rent for us with a few others.”

“You’ve been planning this.” I manage to choke out, and he smiles even brighter.

“For a while, yes.”

“Tooru-”

“You don’t have to say it, Hajime. I know.”

“Tooru, I love you.”

The answering smile Oikawa gives me is blinding. He leans forward just another inch, and our lips are pressed together, our limbs tangled together, and I’ve never felt so content. I’ve never felt so happy, so whole, as I do in this moment, with him by my side.

“Tooru, wait-” I try mumbling against his lips, but he just pulls me closer. “Damn it, Shittykawa.”

I push him away gently, wanting to do this right. He frowns at me, but I just smile, pulling him up to a sitting position with me.

“Oikawa Tooru, will you be my boyfriend?”

I don’t think I’ve ever seen Oikawa blush so thoroughly in my entire life. His whole face lights up with a beautiful scarlet blush, his eyes sparkling, his whole body practically vibrating.

“YES! IWA-CHAN, HAJIME, YES!” He squeals, throwing himself into my arms, and I can’t help but laugh, peppering his face in kisses.

~~

A few hours later, after having dinner and laying down for the night, Oikawa crawls into bed after me and snuggles up close, laying his head on my chest.

“Hajime?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

I huff a laugh, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.

“I love you, too. Go to sleep.”

“Don’t you want to know who I’m getting our house with for university?”

I stiffen, worried. I wonder for a moment if I just don’t ask if it will just all go away.

“Yes.” I groan out, my heart pounding, honestly worried about who he could have asked to room with us. It has to be at least four others if it’s going to be a house close enough to the university to be worth it.

“Well, Kuroo from Nekoma, Bokuto from Fukurodani, and Sugawara and Sawamura from Karasuno.”

“You want me to live with you, and all of them?”

“Just for the first year! It might change next year once Kozume and Akaashi graduate.” He chirps out, and I fight the urge to smack him.

“You want me to live with the two “bro” idiots, the Karasuno captain, and the Karasuno vice captain?”

“AND ME!” He shouts, raising his head to glare at me.

I frown down at him, but sigh, knowing that it is a losing battle. I might as well just go along with it.

“I want soundproofing in our room, Shittykawa. That’s the only way I’m going to agree.”

“I like the way you’re thinking, Iwa-chan.”

I blush furiously, but try to ignore it, frowning at Oikawa instead.

“I want to have somewhere I can hide from the brofest that is the demented owl and the shifty cat.”

“Whatever you tell yourself, Iwa-chan. I know you will be going to the gym with the both of them, and probably Daichi-san as well. All four of you are gym rats and you know it.”

“Go to sleep, Tooru.” I grind out, wanting to end the conversation, wanting to live in a few more weeks of peace before knowing that I’m actually going to be living with so many ridiculous people for an entire year of university.

“Mean, Iwa-chan!”

I sigh, looking down at his scrunched up nose, and smile down at him. I press my lips to his, pressing the frown out of his lips, before pressing his head down into my chest. Oikawa relaxes nearly instantly, sighing into my chest, snuggling in tight.

“I love you, Tooru.” I whisper to his hair, letting myself settle into sleep, and feel his answering smile pressing into my shirt.

“I’ll always love you, Hajime.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is a continuation of the current universe I developed in my other fanfic (https://archiveofourown.org/works/29066763). This will follow Oikawa/Iwaizumi, Sugawara/Sawamura, Akaashi/Bokuto, and Kuroo/Kenma. If you want to see how Kuroo and Kenma got together, go read the linked fic. For now, enjoy some IwaOi while I figure out which to do next: Akaashi/Bokuto or Sugawara/Sawamura? Comment your opinions!


	2. Am I Crazy? Or Do You Love Me, Too?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just some general pining, I guess? If you want a list of the songs Akaashi was listening to, let me know!

***INCOMING MESSAGE***

I frown down at the device in my hand, dragging me from my thoughts, the shrill beep cutting right through my headphones. I sigh, setting down my pen and unlocking my phone, ignoring the lock screen of Bokuto-san and I. He insisted, and I didn’t fight him, because I love seeing our faces so close together. Because I wish our faces were always that close together. Because I wish I could stare at him in person half as often as I stare at him on the screen of my phone without others making snide comments.

***TEXT THREAD: KOZUME KENMA***

>   
>  **Kozume-san** : Are you okay, Keiji? You’ve been more quiet than usual.  
>  **Kozume-san** : Is it something to do with Koutarou?  
>  **Kozume-san** : As your friend, I really don’t like you hiding your feelings. I know you miss him.  
> 

I sigh, reading the messages three times over before I decide to try and respond.

>   
>  **Me** : I’m just the same as I always have been, Kozume-san. Even if I was upset, it would have nothing to do with Bokuto-san.  
> 

I set my phone down, picking my pen back up, resolute in my decision to ignore any more texts until I calm down. I know I have no right to be upset, no real reason to feel upset, but I upset myself. I upset myself with my own insecurities, and I know I can’t push those off on Bokuto-san. I can’t force my feelings, my insecurities, my anxieties on him. He doesn’t deserve it. He hasn’t even been gone that long. Living with Kuroo-san, Oikawa-san, Iwaizumi-san, Sugawara-san, and Sawamura-san was his own decision. The fact that the house was only a three bedroom and three bathroom house was a financial decision. It made sense that the two couples shared rooms, leaving Kuroo-san and Bokuto-san in a room on their own.

I knew from video chats with Bokuto-san that I had nearly every day that there were two beds, obviously used, and a clear distinction between the two sides of the room. I knew Kuroo-san tended towards blacks and reds with plush toys gifted to him by Kozume-san, usually adorable cats that looked vaguely like the two. I knew his side of the room was covered in photos and chemistry tables and other random items that he found exciting enough to display. I knew he didn’t even lay in Bokuto-san’s bed, because when we would video chat, he would always be on his own or out of the house.

I knew Bokuto-san kept his bed covered in owl plushies, his bedsheets in soothing shades of blue that I helped him pick out because it was my favorite color. His walls were covered in volleyball posters and photos of him and the team. I knew they didn’t sleep together.

But the photo they posted together on Bokuto-san’s instagram still broke my heart in my chest when I thought of what it could mean. I frown down at my phone, bypassing the messages from Kozume-san, pulling up the photo that was posted just a few days ago.

_The image is a picture of Bokuto and Kuroo together, sweaty, wearing their practice gear. They are at a volleyball practice for the college, Bokuto wearing his normal excited smile, Kuroo wearing his normal predatory smirk. Their faces are close together, their arms around each other, their golden eyes burning into the camera._

I read over the caption again, just to hurt myself further. I groan, pushing my head into my notebook, tears pricking in my eyes, the words circling in my head.

_Couldn’t think of a better partner to have, on or off the court. Love you, @K_Tetsu!_

***INCOMING CALL: KOZUME-SAN***

I sigh, picking up the call, knowing if I didn’t Kozume-san would just keep calling. He was a tenacious brat for being so anti-social.

“Yes, Kozume-san?”

I can practically hear his frown through the phone, and I smirk to myself, feeling a little bit better. At least I know how Kozume-san feels without having to look. If only I could still do the same with Bokuto-san.

“Keiji, how many times do I have to tell you to call me by my first name? Or at least to drop the ‘san’?”

“Fine, _Kenma_ , what can I do for you?”

“You could start with telling me why you’ve been so upset lately.”

I frown at the phone, too distracted to notice I walked right into that until it was too late.

“It’s stupid.”

“I know it’s stupid. Tell me anyway.”

“I miss Bokuto-san.”

“You can call him by his first name, Keiji. He’s told you this before.”

“It just… doesn’t feel right to call him that. Not with the way I feel.”

“We all know you love him, Keiji. Everyone knows but Koutarou. We all also know that Koutarou loves you, too. So what’s the problem?”

I sigh, not wanting to upset Kozu- _Kenma_ , but knowing I have to tell him if I want him to leave me alone.

“I’m pretty sure Bokuto-san and Kuroo-san are dating.”

There’s utter silence on the other side of the phone. Not even breathing. I check my phone twice to make sure that I haven’t been hung up on, but the phone is still blinking, telling me that the call is still active.

I count 180 seconds before I hear any sound coming through the phone, and all I hear is laughter.

“Keiji, are you talking about the stupid photo Koutarou put up of himself and Kuro the other day?”  
There’s a gentle pause as he waits for a reply that I refuse to give. He lets loose a long suffering sigh, and I fight the urge to hang up on him.

“Keiji? You do know that they aren’t dating, right?”

“How do you know?” I grind out, glaring at the phone as if he could feel my glare through it.

“Because Kuro and I have been dating since his graduation.”

I stop breathing for a moment, letting the information sink into place, before letting out a relieved breath.

“So, they’re not secretly dating?”

“No, Keiji, they’re not. I thought Kuro had already told you? He should have by now, at least. Tooru wanted us to live with him and Hajime, but we are still in school, so he asked Koushi and Daichi to live with them until then.”

“I-” I’m at a loss for words, and I just groan into the phone. “I upset myself for no reason?”

“Keiji,” Kenma responds softly. “Just tell him how you feel. Look, I’m going up tomorrow for the weekend to go and see Kuro. Come with me. Come see Koutarou and tell him, okay? Or just spend some time with him? I’m sure you’ll see what we all see. He’s miserable without you.”

I sigh into the phone, frown at the empty page, and nod at the phone.

“Okay, Kenma. I’ll go with you tomorrow. I’ll pack a bag and meet you at the station tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay. Goodnight, Keiji.”

“Goodnight, Kenma.”

I lock my phone, tossing it aside, and start to write down how I feel. I let the music roll over me, write down the lyrics that resonate with me, let the soothing notes and vocals take away my stress. By the time I’m finished, I’ve got quite a few lines of music, and I smile down at the page, closing it with a resolute snap. I may not tell Bokuto-san how I feel tomorrow, but I can at least go and see him. Maybe that will be enough to settle me down. Especially now that I know that Kuroo-san and Kenma are dating. That makes me feel better, too, knowing Bokuto-san isn’t secretly dating him.

But what if he wants to date him?

I frown down at the notebook, sigh, and reopen it, continuing to write.

Who needs sleep, anyway?

~~~~~

>   
>  **Bokuto Koutarou**
> 
> _He’s got you mesmerized, while I die._
> 
> _But you like him better._
> 
> _But how could I hate him? He’s such an angel. But then again, I kinda wish he were dead_
> 
> _You broke me first_
> 
> _I’m left alone to tear myself apart_
> 
> _Can you see my hands shake?_
> 
> _What survives are sharpened knives that go right through the bone_
> 
> _I’m left alone to tear myself apart_
> 
> _Sea may rise, sky may fall, my love will never die_
> 
> _How did something so sweet tear us apart?_
> 
> _Now there’s no one you can trust. Just someone you used to love._
> 
> _Let’s burn the past, forget the truth. You’re still loving him, I’m still loving you_
> 
> _So take me to the paradise, it’s in your eyes_
> 
> _You started flying a kite. At the end was the key to my heart. You were my lover for life._
> 
> _Sound of your spell, locked in your eyes._

~~~~~

I meet Kenma at the station the next day, throwing my notebook into my backpack with the rest of my writing stuff and my clothes for the weekend, against my better judgement. I know I shouldn’t bring something I don’t want to be gone through, but I can’t bring myself to leave it behind. I need it with me. Some people have a diary, others a security blanket, but I have a notebook. A beautiful notebook the same gold as Bokuto-san’s eyes that I keep all of my writings in. That I keep all of my lyrics, the songs I’ve listened to and songs that I’ve written, all of the story ideas and snippets I’ve written over the past few years. It’s as much a part of me as my own hands.

Kenma just eyes me when I step up next to him, nodding at me in greeting, looking back down at a game on his phone. I know it’s a comfort gesture, so I pay it no mind, standing at his side and watching over him to make sure no one bumps into him as he gets absorbed in the game. I know his anxiety prevents him from paying too much attention to the world around him. I can relate to that on most days. Though I prefer music, I can understand the need for a soothing action outside of reality.

Our train arrives and I gently push Kenma forward and onto the train, falling into a seat next to him.

“It’s an hour, right?” I ask, just to make sure I know when to listen for our stop, and Kenma nods, eyes never leaving the screen.

I smile down at him, knowing he isn’t even looking, before pulling headphones on and putting on a gentle playlist to keep me calm as I watch the world pass us by.

It feels like minutes later when my timer reminds me to take out my headphones, bringing me back to the present. I put my headphones away into my bag, listening to the overhead speakers as they announce the upcoming stops, checking on Kenma at the same time. He is still engrossed in his game, his shoulders stiff, his fingers pressing the buttons just as quick as ever. I don’t see any signs of his fingers slowing, or of his shoulders shaking, so I know he is doing okay. Usually only Kuroo-san could help Kenma through one of his panic attacks, so it’s a good thing that he is so calm right now. I can’t imagine how I would handle Kenma panicking. It would probably set me off, sending each of us into an ever deepening spiral.

Not an ideal situation for a semi-crowded public train.

I huff a quiet laugh, leaning back into the seat, settling in for the next five to ten minutes until our stop will be called.

“What are you laughing about?” Kenma questions, sliding his phone away, looking up at me with those eerily similar eyes to Bokuto-san and Kuroo-san, though infinitely more cat-like.

“Just happy that you aren’t panicking.”

Kenma’s lips twist in a wry smile, and he dips his head back down quickly, a light blush on the tips of his ears.

“We would cause each other to spiral, so I made sure to do the breathing that Kuro taught me to stay calm.”

“Which is good, Kenma. I’m proud of you.”

His ears turn even more pink, and I fight the urge to laugh as I feel my own start to heat in embarrassment as well. Flustering the other setter is not something that I do often, and it still catches me off guard.

The train announces our stop as it slows into the station, and we rise together, walking off the train and out into the streets. I hear a horn honk and turn my head, confused at the loud sound. Kenma taps my shoulder, telling me to follow him, and he leads us to the offending car.

A mop of perfectly styled brown hair pops out of the drivers side of the car with a blinding smile, a grey head popping out of the other side.

“Kenma! Akaashi!” Sugawara-san shouts from the passenger seat, his smile bright and happy.

“The Pretty Setter Squad reunites!” Oikawa-san shouts from his own seat, his bright pageant smile plastered on his face.

I see more than hear Kenma sigh as he slides into the backseat of the car, and I follow suit, not wanting to waste time. If the two upperclassmen want to drive us to their home, there isn’t much we can do about it.

“We were so excited when Kuroo said you two were coming up today!” Sugawara-san gushes, turning in his seat to smile at us as Oikawa-san starts the drive to their shared house.

“And Koutarou?” Kenma asks, looking at his phone as he pulls up a text thread with Kuroo-san to let him know we had been picked up by Oikawa-san and Sugawara-san.

“Uh, did he know?” Oikawa-san asks, a frown directed towards us from the driver’s seat. “He didn’t seem any different this morning. I would assume he would be bouncing off the walls and panic cleaning the whole house to make sure everything was just right for Akaashi to visit.”

“Keiji? Did you not tell Koutarou you were coming with me?” Kenma asks, a small smirk on his lips, his eyes locked on mine through a small part in his hair.

“Uh,” I stutter out, wanting to look away, knowing I can’t. “He went to bed before you called, and I didn’t want to bother him?”

Sugawara-san and Oikawa-san laugh in the front seat, Sugawara-san going as far as to double over laughing.

“You’re that scared of telling your best friend and love of your life that you’re coming to visit him that you conveniently *forgot* to mention it to him in your daily morning text or call?” Kenma deadpans, his lips trembling with mirth.

“I-” I start, but Oikawa-san cuts me off.

“If the words “I didn’t call or I didn’t text him this morning” come out of your mouth, I know you’re lying, Akaashi. Bokuto was on the phone this morning in the kitchen with a stupidly sappy look on his face that he only gets when he’s talking to you.”

I frown, settling deeper into the seat.

“I didn’t call him or text him.” I frown, slouching down, ignoring their looks. “He called me.”

This causes another round of laughs from the upperclassmen in the front seat and a shake of the head from Kenma.

“Will you please do us all a favor and just tell him you like him?” Kenma sighs, looking back down at his phone, making sure it’s angled away from me.

“If you don’t, I’m going to tell Bokuto to do it for you.” Sugawara-san threatens with a bright smile. “I am not above meddling when it comes to love. Just ask Hinata and Kageyama, or Tsukishima and Yamaguchi, or Asahi and Noya.”

At the mention of the tall now-second-year from Karasuno, Kenma glares down at his phone, a slight “tch” making it out before he can stop it. I smirk down at Kenma, filing the information away for later to tease him with when he tries to turn the tables on me. I know Tsukishima got on Kenma’s nerves, and I also knew I needed any and all information that I could to get Kenma off of my case.

“Yes, Sugawara-san.” I grouse, sitting up as the car slows to a stop in front of a nice house, one I recognize from all of the pictures I had been sent since Bokuto-san had moved in.

“We’re here!” Oikawa-san sings from the front seat, waiting for us all to get out of the car, and for Kenma and I to grab our bags. “Go on and knock on the door, Akaashi.”

I frown at Oikawa-san, but bottle up my nerves and do as I was told. I put my bag on the ground next to the door and ring the bell, waiting thirteen long seconds before the door swung open to reveal a disheveled looking Bokuto-san.

His eyes are half-lidded, his hair nearly flat as he hasn’t spiked it up yet, and is in full disarray. He’s wearing just a pair of light gray sweats and no shirt, and I fight the urge to drool. My eyes are locked on his chest, the way his muscles move with each breath, and curse my lack of strength when it comes to him. He’s surely seen in the six seconds since opening the door how blatantly I’ve been looking at his exposed chest and arms, chest and arms I have most assuredly seen before. When I finally force my eyes back up to his, they are much less lidded, and decidedly more bright than they were a moment before. His lips are turned up in a grin that could rival Kuroo-san’s infamous smirk, and I feel my heart catch in my chest.

“Am I dreaming, or is there an angel on my doorstep?” He asks, and the three setters behind me fall out laughing. I hear Kuroo-san’s hyena laugh from just behind Bokuto-san, and hear Sawamura-san shout out “Is Koushi back with the guys?” and Iwaizumi-san’s quiet grumble reply in the affirmative.

I try to think of a reply, but the words die in my throat, and I can do nothing but stare at him in all of his glory. The gray sweats are doing nothing to hide his body, and when he leans against the doorway, his arms look even more defined than before. He raises an eyebrow at me, obviously planning to wait until I reply.

“Good morning, Bokuto-san. Would you mind if I came inside?” I ask, proud my voice didn’t crack, and Kenma shoulders past us both.

“KITTEN!” Kuroo-san shouts, and as I walk past a motioning Bokuto-san, I see Kuroo-san lift Kenma into the air and swing him around in a tight hug.

“Kuro, put me down.” I hear the smaller setter laugh lightly, and Kuroo-san complies, lowering him to the ground, keeping his arms around his smaller boyfriend.

“Keiji, Kuro and I are going out to get some coffee.” Kenma tells me, quickly walking back out the door, Kuroo-san in tow.

“OH! Coffee sounds great! Iwa-chan, let’s go!” Oikawa-san shouts out, rushing after them.

“Koushi, it’s our turn to get groceries.” Sawamura-san reminds Sugawara-san, and then it’s just Bokuto-san and I alone in the house.

“I may or may not have planned this.” Bokuto-san confesses, taking my hand and leading me back to his and Kuroo-san’s room, a small smile on his lips. He takes my bag from me, sitting it next to his desk, before pushing me to sit on his bed. He takes the seat at the small shared desk in the center of the room against the back wall, pulling the chair closer to the bed.

“When? And why?” I ask, confused as to when he would have had the time, and as to why he would want to plan time for us to be alone. He couldn’t have known that I was coming today, since Oikawa-san and Sugawara-san said he wasn’t freaking out this morning. How would he have found the time to plan all of this?

“Kenma texted ‘Ro while you four were driving back over here.” He shrugs. “And because I wanted to talk to you alone, with no one around to distract us or bother us.”

“But, why?” I ask again, wanting to know the real reason, not being able to read it in his eyes.

“Kaashi,” He starts, looking down at his hands for a moment, before raising his head to look at me again. “I-I missed you.”

“I miss you too, Bokuto-san.”

“Why won’t you call me by my given name?” He suddenly barks out, standing from his chair, his hand running through his hair, turning away from me. I take the moment to stare at his exposed back, glad to see no scratches on them from a secret lover.

“Because…” I trail off, wanting to find a way that doesn’t give away my feelings, but can’t find one. Bokuto-san turns back to me, a frown on his face.

“Are you not comfortable with me? Do you not actually like being friends with me, Kaashi? What is it?” He begs, his eyes pleading with me, filled with emotions I can’t name.

“I… It’s not that, Bokuto-san.”

“Koutarou.”

“What?”

“My name is Koutarou, Keiji. You can call me Koutarou. Please, call me Koutarou?” His eyes are pleading, still filled with all that emotion, and I can’t help but give in to his request. Can’t help but just spit out my feelings. Can’t help but admit everything when he looks at me like that.

“I’m in love with you, Koutarou.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kinda ended on a cliffhanger, no? My bad, but I'm honestly not sure how to proceed, so sorry! If you've got suggestions, please give them to me! You can comment here, find me on discord, or chat with me on my email.


	3. Kozume Kenma Is A Savage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I've been gone for a while. So enjoy!

**Kenma POV**

I walk hand in hand with Kuro to the coffee shop around the corner from their house, a small smile on my face, listening to Tooru and Kuro and Hajime bicker back and forth. It’s almost like white noise to me, their voices making a soothing music. I smile down at my hand dwarfed in Kuro’s, thinking back to when I used to hold onto his sweater sleeves instead, thinking back when he used to hold a hand on my shoulders to guide me while I played my games.

It’s a natural progression of our friendship, I think, us falling in love.

I don’t think there’s anyone else I could have fallen in love with. No one else I would have wanted to spend the rest of my life with. No one I would want to know me as well as Kuro does, and no one I would want to learn everything there is to know about me.

“-next year, right, Kenma?” I hear Tooru’s voice, and I try to tune back into the conversation they are having, but I can’t quite catch what they were talking about.

“Uh-” I start, but it only takes Kuro one moment looking at the side of my face to know that I have no idea what they’re talking about, and then he’s taking over for me. Just like he always has.

“Yeah, we’ve already talked about it. There’s two colleges close enough to us here that he is applying to, as well as the one we all go to, so he’s moving in with us next year. I think Sawamura and Sugawara said they’re planning on getting a small house of their own after this year is over so they can have a dog, so it’ll work out just fine.” He laughs, smiling down at me. “As long as Kaashi and Bo get their acts together.”

“Want to take some friendly bets on if Akaashi actually confessed or not?” Tooru asks, his eyes sparkling.

“We shouldn’t bet on our friend’s happiness, Shittykawa.” Hajime protests, smacking the back of Tooru’s head with a frown.

I just shake my head at them as Kuro opens the door to the cafe and leads us all inside. I find a table and sit, Tooru sitting across from me as Kuro and Hajime walk to the line to wait to order for us.

“So, how are you handling things?” Tooru asks, his eyes curious and reserved. I blink back at him for a moment before looking back down at my hands, pulling out my phone to play a mindless game.

“What ‘things’ are you referring to, Tooru?”

“Well, Kuroo being gone for one.” He pauses, and I know he wants me to look at him so he can read me, but I don’t want to be looked at, so I don’t look up. He sighs, leaning back in his chair and out of my space. “And the physical aspects of a relationship, I guess. I mean, anyone but Kuroo who tries to touch you can’t even lay a finger on you. You shrink away faster than any skittish cat I’ve ever met.”

“I’m doing okay with him being gone. It’s weird, not having him at home with me. But we video chat every night while we’re doing school work, so that helps. Even if neither of us talk, it’s…” I trail off, searching for the right words, but can’t find one. So I settle on, “Nice.”

Tooru just nods at me, smiling, trying to get me to continue, but I frown down at my game instead.

“And the other part of my question?”

“What about it?”

“How are you handling the physical aspect of being in a relationship with Kuroo?”

“What physical aspect are you referring to, Tooru?”

I wonder how long I can play dumb with him. If Kuro will catch on to the tone of the conversation and come rescue me from it before Tooru can really start to pry. He usually does, never leaving me alone with Tooru long enough for Tooru to really start to become embarrassing about it. 

“The sex, Kenma. How’s the sex?”

My face flushes so red I can feel it burn across my cheeks and up to my ears, and I duck down into my sweatshirt deeper, my fingers moving across my screen as if they have a mind of their own. But just as I’m about to say there isn’t any for me to comment on, Kuro slides into the seat next to me, a frown on his lips, his body tense.

“Here, Kitten. I got you some hot chocolate and apple pie.” He spears Tooru with a look I don’t often see on his face. “And Oikawa, leave Kenma alone.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Kuroo.” Tooru feigns innocence, sipping on the latte Hajime deposits in front of him as he settles into the seat across from Kuro. Kuro wraps an arm around my chair, pulling it flush to his, letting me settle deep into his side as I put my phone away in favor of eating my pie. Kuro’s eyes are still angry as he stares Tooru down.

“What Kenma and I do or do not do is our own private business, Oikawa.” His voice is sharp, his tone brokering no arguments. “Don’t push your personal bets or agendas on my boyfriend. Our relationship is our own private business. I don’t appreciate you being rude to Kenma. I thought you wanted to be his friend.”

“We are friends! Aren’t we, Kenma?” Tooru turns his eyes over to me again, trying to look at my face again, and Kuro flicks his forehead in retaliation.

“Like that, Oikawa! Kenma doesn’t like to be looked at! And he tolerates it with you most of the time, but you’ve already overwhelmed and embarrassed him! You need to learn boundaries with him, Oikawa, or you’re really not going to like what he does.”

“Like Ken-chan would do anything to hurt me.” Tooru huffs a laugh, and I feel Kuro stiffen next to me, getting ready to get up from the table and start something he shouldn’t in public.

“Tooru, wasn’t there something you were meaning to tell Hajime? That you asked me for help trying to explain to him, but didn’t want to listen to any of my advice?” I question, feigning innocence, lifting my head up and spearing Oikawa with my signature _Kozume Kenma apathetic innocence_ blank look. I look towards Hajime, and see him frowning back in confusion.

“What did Shittykawa need to tell me? He hasn’t mentioned anything?”

Tooru stands abruptly from the table, grabbing Hajime’s hand and dragging him out of the store without even a wave goodbye. I huff a laugh, going back to eating my pie, and Kuro laughs his awful hyena laugh, a bright smile on his face.

“You’re so cruel, Kitten. I love it.”

“I know.”

“So, what did Oikawa ask you for help with? I’ve never seen him so speechless.”

“You know how Hajime has that favorite sweatshirt he’s had since he and Tooru were kids?”

“Yeah, the one Oikawa bought for him when they were ten while their families were on vacation together. What about it?”

“He stained it.”

“Oikawa stains everything and takes it all home to his mom to help him every two weeks for laundry help because he’s hopeless. What’s the embarrassing part?”

“ _He_ stained it.”

“I’m not understanding the embarrassing part, Ken.”

“Tooru stained it. With, ya know…” I traill off to a whisper. “After some alone time?”

I can tell the exact moment Kuro understands what I’m trying to say, because his blank look slowly morphs into one of pure, unabashed mirth. His face is getting red from trying to hold in his laugher, and tears are starting to gather in the corner of his eyes, and I let out a deep sigh and abandon the last few bites of pie in favor of not getting banned from the only coffee shop within walking distance of their house. I grab my hot chocolate in one hand and grab Kuro’s hand with my other, dragging him out of the cafe. We make it no more than four steps out of the front door before he loses it, laughing so hard he can’t breathe, coughing as he chokes trying to get enough air in to keep laughing.

“You’re telling me. That. _Oikawa fucking Tooru_ stained his boyfriend’s favorite sweatshirt that he’s had since they were ten, _and called **you** to ask how to tell his boyfriend that he got cum on his sweatshirt?_” Kuro can’t stop laughing, his hands on his knees, staring at me with an amazed look. “And _you_ , the vindictive Kitten you are, brought it up in a crowded cafe because of what Tooru was asking you?”

“Yes, Kuro.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever loved you more than I do right now, Kitten.”

I roll my eyes, taking his hand again and walking back towards their house.

“Why are we going home, Kitten?”

“I want to see if Keiji actually talked to Koutarou or not.”

“Bo would have texted me by now if he did.”

“You don’t leave your phone ringer on when I’m with you because the only person you care to answer quickly is me. He could have texted and called already and you wouldn’t have noticed.” I remind him easily, and he looks down at me with glassy eyes.

“How do you know so much about my habits, Kitten?”

“It’s almost like we’ve been best friends since I was seven and have been dating since your graduation, Kuro.” I deadpan.

Kuro pulls his phone out with a scoff, then stops dead, pulling me to a stop beside him. He shows me his phone with a shaking hand.

***TEXT THREAD: BOKUTO KOUTAROU***

>   
>  **Annoying Owl** : Bro  
>  **Annoying Owl** : Bro  
>  **Annoying Owl** : Bro  
>  **Annoying Owl** : Keiji… Keiji told me he loves me  
>  **Annoying Owl** : And then he started crying  
>  **Annoying Owl** : So I asked him to be my boyfriend  
>  **Annoying Owl** : And he said yes  
>  **Annoying Owl** : Is it too soon to marry him?  
>  **Annoying Owl** : Should I tell my mom?  
>  **Annoying Owl** : I told my mom she wants to see us for dinner she said she misses him  
>  **Annoying Owl** : I told Keiji my mom wants to see us for dinner now that we are dating and he started crying again  
>  **Annoying Owl** : Bro what do I do  
>  **Annoying Owl** : Bro I love him so much why is he so pretty  
>  **Annoying Owl** : When are you coming back?  
> 

I frown down at the messages, pulling out my own phone and angling it so he can read over my shoulder.

***TEXT THREAD: AKAASHI KEIJI***

>   
>  **Keiji** : I told him.  
> 

“Could those two be any more different?” Kuro laughs, pocketing his phone without answering and pulling me along the last block to his house. “I hope they’re not being gross. I kind of wanted to take a nap.”

“A nap sounds good, Kuro.” I agree, a small smile on my face.

We continue the last little bit of the walk in comfortable silence, just enjoying being in proximity of each other, just enjoying being the way we were always meant to be: together.

We get to the front door and Kuro leads us inside, stacking up our shoes as we walk through the house and to his bedroom that he shares with Koutarou. I don’t hear anything from outside the door, but that doesn’t surprise me, because Kuro told me before that they had soundproofing installed in all of the rooms before they moved in. They even got money knocked off the rent for “improving the house” and were told they could stay here as long as they wanted as long as they kept up with the house.

“I really don’t want to open this door, Kitten.”

Kuro turns to look back at me over his shoulder and I just shake my head with a frown and push the door open. Keiji is leaning over the shared desk, Koutarou at the desk with his homework in front of him, and Keiji is attempting to walk him through a math problem. They turn when they hear us in the doorway, and Keiji smiles at me softly.

“I saw your text, Keiji.” I smile back at him before walking over to Kuro’s bed and falling into it. “I’m proud of you.”

“Good going, Bo. Proud of you, bro.” Kuro laughs, smacking Koutarou on the shoulder as he passes by before climbing into the bed with me. He wraps me up in his arms, laying so I can still play my PSP while laying on his chest.

“I thought you wanted a nap, Kitten?”

“You wanted a nap. I said a nap sounded nice. I don’t need to sleep to lay in bed with you while you do, do I?”

“Of course not.”

“Kuroo-san is going to take a nap while you play a game?” Keiji looks puzzled. “How is he supposed to sleep with your game playing?”

“I actually sleep better when I can hear his game playing. It’s relaxing. Feels like I’m back home sleeping in his bed while he plays games on a Saturday night.” He shrugs his shoulders, jostling me slightly. “It’s always been that way. Well, for at least as long as I can remember.”

“C’mon, Kaashi. My mom wants to see us for dinner. Let’s go!” Koutarou shouts, slamming his textbook shut with a resolute snap and jumping to his feet, pulling Keiji behind him.

“But, your homework, Boku- _Koutarou_? Shouldn’t you get that done before we go to see your mom?”

Koutarou preens at Keiji calling him by his first name.

“No, I want to go now! We can work on that later! Let’s go! And then my best bro can also get his nap in!”

Keiji sighs in defeat with a small wave goodbye to us, letting Koutarou pull them out of the room with a light click of the door shutting behind them.

“You want me to turn the volume down a little, Kuro?”

“Nah, I like it. Keep playing, Ken. Don’t let me sleep too long, okay?”

“Whatever you want, Kuro.”

I feel a light kiss brush across the top of my head and I smile into his chest as his breathing evens out beneath me. I can’t help but think that I’ve never felt so secure, so content, so right with the world than when we’re together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll try to get back to updating all of my fics kind of regularly. I was upgrading my PC and had some issues with it due to COVID and parts and I haven't had the free time to write. But I'm back now, and hopefully weekly or more updates on all 3 of my ongoing fics, yes? Hit me up in the comments! I love to hear from everyone!


End file.
